To my friend

Hi! Feeling blue
Haven't seen you
In such a long time
Hope you're well
What's new with you?
Me…
Well it seems I've got a disease
Yes rather sudden
Caught me by surprise
Guess you never know
What will happen.

My life is all upside down;
My life is the pits,
I've got nothing catching -
Except, maybe to my kids -
But I've got none of them anyways.
Yes - its called schizophrenia.
Never knew what that meant.
Yes - now I know.
It means I'm lost in a dream.
I can't think “normally” -
I think things are happening around me.
That aren't really happening.
They say my case is “mild” -
I say its killing, and I lose myself
Each time I go into an 'episode'.
Funny word - maybe I'm a tv program.
Maybe that explains it.
Instead of going into reruns.
I'd much rather be cancelled.
Anyhow -
It means I lost my job - lost friends -
Lost income - lost career hopes - lost
Family hopes - lost self-confidence - lost
Functioning ability and - most of all -
Live in fear.
Fear of going out of my apartment
Fear of meeting people I used to know or
Work for
Fear of doing things I used to love and
Things that most people take for granted.
I can't do any more.
I can't go out, get on a subway, work
In an office, go to a restaurant
For lunch, have the respect and
Friendship of co-workers.
And, most of all - don't feel that I am contributing anything to society
Nor feel that I am part of the
Community
Working and playing with others.
I feel lonely and unappreciated.
No-one to stroke me and let me feel wanted.
I am marginal.
Living in the cracks of Toronto.
I'm truly invisible.
I have no money
And no reason to live.

Instead of praying for me -
Why don't you just call.
Tell me that you'll listen
Tell me that you care
Tell me that you want to help.

Don't be afraid -
Its not catching
I won't hurt you
Don't be afraid -
I just want a friend.