Heather Cunningham

Hello. My name is Heather Cunningham. I have been suffering from a diagnosed mental illness for four years. The history of my mental illness began with failure, and a sequence of unexplained events within my family. It was hard to accept mental illness and all that came with it.

I had a number of diagnoses followed by examination from specialists, and a sequence of student doctors asking difficult questions. Some of the issues I had not thought about to the best of my knowledge. I grew up within a family structure of parents, and many step brothers, half sisters, and an older sister. Through acceptance of myself, and knowing all along that there are consequences for actions. Knowing that it was drug use wasn't a clear action at all. When I first got sick I was tree planting in Northern Ontario. I couldn't keep working, my thinking was delusional. My sense of feeling had depleted and I was internally depressed. The adverse effects narcotic drugs had on me, as I was using them for an emotional dependency, was consequential to my mental health, wellness... and success in life. I wanted to be somebody, and always have. As soon as I was hospitalized, I knew the medications would be with my routines, and through maturity I began taking the medications that would turn my life around. Finding a psychiatrist is so difficult.

Many put hard hours into being witnesses to doctor- diagnosed conditions and meeting people of support to the client. Developing a mature working relationship with a psychiatrist is important. I wanted the doctor to help me the way I wanted to be helped. I ingested various types of anti-psycho therapeutic drugs, and anti-depressants. The names of oral medications I have taken are: Zoloft, Lithium, Olanzapine Zydis, Trileptal, Topamax, Clozapine, and Seriquil. I struggled in the job market finding jobs and then leaving without notification between the multiple hospitalizations. This was all a change, that impacted my life and at times reversed my goals. I was a university student, at the University of Western Ontario for three years. Housing, which is the main objective, and concentration of the Dream Team, was a setback laced with fear. Because of inadequate housing from hospital into home, I eventually had no fixed address. I, a university student and someone who had completed high school as an honours student, was holding out my wretched hands, receiving food and money from people, and living homeless. During my time sleeping outdoors, I had an experience that haunts me to this day. I was raped. How do I come to terms with my body being defiled? I needed help. What did I do? I awaited a new place. I packed my things, leaving some unused items behind, and I went to a shelter. From there the streets, so to speak, found me. North York Support Services is an organization based in Scarborough that provides the initiative for homeless people and to help persons dealing with addiction and mental health issues. There was a woman who works specifically in a homeless initiative program. She visited me that day, two years ago, when I had no fixed address. We worked hard to get me into the system and our efforts were successful. That day changed my life. I knew there was hope.

I lived in supportive housing with LOFT Crosslink's housing and support services for almost two years, which provided support workers, trust partners, and put me in touch with organizations pertaining to mental wellness. Pushing forward and working myself into freedom of the mind and body, I used the resources around me to find a lovely women's group that provided free counseling. Once I was able to let those emotions play out, it was hard tio believe that all this had happened. I was raped and I used drugs. My current psychiatrist saw me through much of my ordeal. I've now been with Crosslink for more than two years. They have listened to my ideas and plugged things in place for me to discover all that I wanted to be, to believe in myself, and do good things; to take action. As a member of the Dream Team, I can now be a friend to those who need it and to respect the voices of the fabulous women and men that are suffering. I have now been clean from hard drugs for more than a year. I am back in school and checking off my list of goals as they come my way. I am going to be somebody, and I am somebody.